Bad Dreams

Nightmares returns to my mind,
 Memories of 20 years ago returns in full force
 and bring me down, like falling from a building
 Destroys me, drop me like a punch
 No forces depresses me
 I avoid people feel shame
 In the middle of the night, after waking up from nightmare
 I get up, smoke a cigarette
 my refuge is the darkness
 and I hide it
 At this point there is nothing to get me out of this well
 Or anybody
 I see it all alone
 Without the courage to ask for help I go alone into the darkness
 I shut myself in the bedroom and desperate cry
 and now a mixture of memories haunt me
 Recent memories are not yet healed
 Hopeless
 And for the first time say: "I give up!"
 Fall to my knees
 And I look forward to meet me Mr. Death
 I am not the same guy from long ago
 I am no longer as strong
 I am old and weak
 There is no one waiting for me
 Ethnan what difference do in here?
 No, possibly!
 I give up, tired of being an optimistic dreamer
 I give up this life of shit.